Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment.

Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad?

There are no guarantees.

You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent. There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations.


Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong.


Take the risk: decide.

Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life. But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:

· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation.

· Identify and create options.
What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

· Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

· Trust yourself and make that decision.

Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight. So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.


Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

Enjoy Your Life: Change Your Point of View

"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars."- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts

If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.

Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune---it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the 'problem' at hand. They use 'positive reinterpretation.' In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?

10 inspirational quotes than can improve yourself

It might take a little coffee or probably a few rounds of beer or any other booze you could get your hands on when it comes to relaxing after a hard day's work. Well, yeah I'm guilty about that one as well, unless I'm caught dead wearing a lampshade over my head after a few rounds of vodka… half-naked! Okay, bad example and I apologize to everyone reading this after getting nightmares about me in that state of drunken stupor.

Just don't ask how it happened, please.

But what's really interesting is that how do people go through the usual part of life when faced with vein-popping stress? I mean, the new age thing like Zen or yoga is one of the good things and it actually works. Is there room for the intellectual side of people who can actually smell the roses-in-a-can while on the move? It kind of had me thinking that there really must be something in this 'mind-over-matter' thing.

Humor is indeed the best medicine there is whenever you are. I mean anyone can pay good money to listen to a comedian just to make you wet your pants after laughing so hard. Despite of what's been happening, and to those who has gone though the ordeal, it's better to just laugh while facing the troubles with a clear mind than anger with a clouded vision. One of my favorite celebrities of all time may have to be Woody Allen. Now this is one guy who gives you the in-your-face bluntness that he pulls out with gusto, even without even trying. You can talk just about anything with a man, and he's bound to mock the subject and you'll end up laughing rather than being upset about it.

Woody Allen has this to say:

1. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." It sounds good to me, I mean the practicality of all things does involve money but it doesn't have to take an arm and a leg to get it.

2. "I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government." 'Nuff said.

3. "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" This happens to be one of the classic ones. I mean the issue about life's little problems isn't all that bad, until 'he' shows up.

Sure, relationships can get complicated, or does have its complications that probably any author about relationships is bound to discover it soon. We follow what our heart desires, unless you're talking about the heart as in the heart that pump blood throughout your body.

4. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions." And if you want more, just keep on asking!

5. "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'." It sounds, 'practical', I think.

And when it comes to everyday life, he really knows how to make the best out of every possible scenario, and it doesn't involve a lawsuit if he strikes a nerve.

6. "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." I never had a boat in my bathtub before. Just staring at it while soaking in hot water makes me seasick already.

7. "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." If it rains, it pours.

8. "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." It could get worse when you're guzzling on beer… or mouthwash, and it happened to me once!

9. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." At least he doesn't smite us with lightning, and I'm thankful for that.

And despite of what may happen to all of us in the next ten, twenty, or even thirty years, I guess we all have to see things in a different kind of light and not just perspective. I can't seem to imagine life without any piece of wisdom that could guide us. Whether we're religious or not, it takes more courage to accept your fears and learn how to deal with them is all that matters when it comes to even just getting along.

And to sum things up, here is the last nugget of wisdom to go by… however, whenever, and wherever we may be.

10. "The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."

Ciao!

Anger Management in Children

Anger, a normal emotion, can transform into something painful and ugly. First thoughts of anger issues may bring about images of a couple fighting, a parent abusing a child, a teenager lashing out at a teacher or a parent. Rarely will images of angry children come to mind. Unfortunately children, at very young ages, have to deal with feelings of anger and rage. This is a truth which is often difficult to understand or manage.

Children, young children especially, aren't normally aware of how they feel. When a child becomes upset or mad they simply show these emotions through their behavior. A good example of this might be the little boy in the supermarket who throws a tantrum because he's upset. Many parents have had to deal with similar situations. It is unfortunate that often times these occurrences are overlooked or dismissed because they are "just children". Anger management in children is as important, or perhaps even more important than anger management in adults.

A child requires instruction and guidance from their coming into the world to their entry into adulthood. The things they learn throughout their young lives are likely to form the person they become as an adult. For this reason anger management in children with difficulties controlling their temper is extremely important. Finding ways to teach anger management in children might present challenges.

There are programs designed specifically for children with anger management issues. Finding one that works for a particular child might require testing many methods. Not all children will respond to the same treatments for anger management in children. Because a child cannot always relate their feelings surrounding angry outburst, finding the right approach may take some time. Until the issue is resolved or at least controlled, it is imperative to continue the search.

Young children may respond well to worksheets, games and fun activities. All of these can be used effectively to teach anger management in children. Developing programs which incorporate each of these might be the best route to take. A child completing a worksheet, coloring sheet or participating in games and activities with underlying messages regarding anger management, may not even realize they are working on their problem. Making the activity fun doesn't mean that the anger issue has to be left out. Choosing fun activities which teach healthy interaction and decision making might be good for anger management in children. Teaching them to take turns and helping them to learn that they can't always be the best or the winner would definitely make a difference when confrontational situations arise. Little activities which instill values and positive thinking would be beneficial for anger management in children.

If a child is old enough to talk about their anger problem, encouraging them to share their feelings is important. Suggesting they talk to someone who they feel comfortable with and trust is a good idea regarding anger management in children. Asking them to write or draw about their emotions may be able to help disclose their underlying issues, whether fear, hurt or sadness. Teaching them to ask for help when they feel threatened or angry would certainly help the child with a problem. The important detail to realize when considering anger management in children are they are just "children". Their minds are not equipped to handle big people situations and so they will require a more careful approach.

What is Anger Management?

Anger is an emotion experienced by kids and adults alike. When something or someone interferes with an individual in a negative manner, it can cause them to become angry. Anger is a normal response to such a situation. However anger can be classed as a mild or intense irritation. Depending on the individual, the circumstance and their emotions, anger may cause a person to become enraged or even furious. People who become angry behave in different ways. Some lash out or become extremely defensive. Other people tend to keep their anger to themselves, bottling up their negative emotions and hurt. While some people become reckless and even abusive. Anger can be a terribly harmful emotion if it isn't controlled.

Controlling anger is considered anger management. The first step to controlling anger issues it to admit there is a problem. Some people have major anger issues but cannot see it. Naturally something happens to set a person off making them angry. Individuals, who have trouble admitting to their anger and accepting responsibility for their actions, often play the blame game. They have difficulty seeing the situation as being their fault. There's always something or someone to blame. Their fits of anger are always blamed on something else. These people could really use a few lessons in anger management. However they need to accept their actions and reactions for what they are, anger.

Many people who have anger issues find it demeaning when anger management is suggested. Unable to accept their problem prevents them from seeking the help they require. If a person continues down a path where they are constantly angry and acting out, it will eventually cause major problems. Without anger management this individual will likely experience loss, loss of their family, loss of their job and loss of their own identity.

It is essential to convince the person with anger problems, anger management is not meant to be a punishment but rather to help them have a better quality of life. Anger management is designed to help the individual work out their problems, help them figure out why they become so angry. It also teaches the person not to be enslaved by their emotions, their anger. Anger management is meant to teach the person techniques which prevent them from getting angry as often or for very long.

There are all sorts of anger management strategies. There are programs created specifically to help those with anger issues. These programs are broken down to address different people, kids, teens, adults, couples and families. These anger management programs are in place to teach or help people to work on their anger. Teaching people strategies for working out their problems and controlling their anger are important in anger management.

Anger may be a healthy, normal emotion but when the anger takes over an individual's life making them destructive and violent, it's a big problem. Not only does the anger destroy the individual but it also impacts everyone and everything around them. Anger management could change this individual and ensure a healthy, normal life.

5000 Year-Old Medical Secret Unearthed!

When you get sick, you go to the doctor. And the doctor will, of course, prescribe medicines. You will go and buy medicines. You take them, and hopefully, you get well.

This is how the health profession goes on nowadays – a cycle of diagnosis and prescription.

If anyone were to give you herbs for medicine, you would probably say that that person was a quack.

But nowadays, studies are being conducted to see if there are really is any merit to what is called natural medicine.

Natural medicine is the use of natural methods, herbal medicines, and traditional practices to heal ailments. Every culture has a form of natural medicine. In ancient cultures, village medicine men served as the doctors of the community, passing on medical knowledge to the apprentices that followed them.

Many categories of the healing methods fall under natural medicine. Among these are traditional medicine, complementary medicine, and alternative medicine.

Usually, natural medicine refers to medical practices that were in place before the advent of modern medicine.

This includes herbal medicine, or phytotherapy, which is prevalent in Chinese, Ayurvedic(or Indian), and Greek medicine.

Upon the advent of modern medicine, many professionals discarded the use of herbs in favor of man-made medicine. The fact that these treatments are based on the healing properties of some herbs was forgotten.

For example, opium, digitalis, quinine, and aspirin all have their roots in traditional medicine.

Natural medicine can be considered as a lost art. This does not mean that it has lost efficacy over time. In some cases, natural therapy is actually better than modern medicine. This leads some doctors to seriously consider and study the possible uses of natural medicine

Before we continue, it is important to stress that not all the natural remedies are legitimate. It would help to only try those remedies which have been thoroughly studied and are relatively risk free.

Take herbal medicine for example. There are many well-documented and studied herbal remedies available. However, only those that deal with minor ailments such as cough, colds, fever, skin rashes, and its ilk are likely to be recommended by health professionals. These remedies are sometimes superior to synthetic medicine. This is because herbal medicines are less likely to cause negative side effects.

Currently there are numerous organizations that study the effects and advocacy of natural medicine – among which is herbal medicine. Some governments and health agencies openly advocate the use of natural methods since they are inexpensive and relatively risk-free.

As their studies compile, more herbs and treatments are added to the list of accepted medicines. However, many herbs and treatments have been proven to be bogus medicine. This represents a challenge for both the user and the agencies because they have to ascertain that the treatments they either use or advocate are legitimate.

There exist today many alternative medical treatments that fall under natural medicine. However, not all of them have been proven to be effective. You could mention homeopathy, aromatherapy, acupuncture, and other alternative medical treatments. It would pay to consult the experts as to the legitimacy of these treatments.

Natural medicine should also be thought of as an accompanying medicine. Right now, the current collective medical thought suggests that natural medicine be used only to supplement accepted modern medical practices. In that case of minor ailments your expert we actually advise you to take natural therapies instead.

The practice of modern medicine revolves around diagnosing an illness and prescribing treatments for such. Natural medicine is helpful because it suggests that treatment be not necessarily given only when sick. Natural medicine strives to make each patient practice good health habits. These habits include good diet, healthy living, and the regular natural treatment.

It is this same line of thought that leads our parents to tell us to eat our vegetables. Yes, a healthy lifestyle and will do no harm to our well-being. And this is the foundation of natural medicine – may it be massage, herbal medicine, aromatherapy or others.

It is funny but true that science, in its quest for excellence, is studying the knowledge of sages past. This, surprisingly, leads us back to the remedies nature offers. The possibilities of finding remedies to everyday illnesses in natural medicine are encouraging. So staying tuned to studying these remedies is worthwhile until we can verify that these therapies are truly helpful to our health and our society.

The Powers of a Positive Attitude

I am going to ask you to something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?

Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.

The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.

A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.

As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

Have a Problem to be Well-Organized?

If you are getting tired to be labelled as an unwell-organized person, you should read and try to apply this tips.

1. Make a list of things you want to do. When you find yourself sitting and watching TV for hours or just doing nothing and being bored, use your list to change your time into productive time.
   
2. Set time limits for yourself. If you need to complete household chores, set a time limit and then work to complete them within the time limits.
3. Make a schedule of your day: what time you go to school, what time you arrive home, how long it takes you to complete your homework, household chores and work hours. From there you can determine how much free time you have and schedule your day so that everything can be completed. 
   
4. Divide your daily activities into categories and decide on the priority of each category. Completing homework is a priority, getting exercised is a priority. Hanging out at the mall is not. Set your activities based on their priority.
   
5. Set goals for what you want to accomplish. Make your goals specific. For example, "I want to make some money" is not a goal, "I want to make $50.00 to buy a new pair of shoes" is a goal. It is much easier to reach a goal when you have something specific in mind.
   
6. Use a date book or a PDA to help you keep track of your responsibilities and plan your days based on what needs to be accomplished. Doing this will allow plenty of time to do what you want to do.
   
7. Keep as much routine as possible in your day. Knowing what you need to do and when you need to do it will help you to accomplish more.
   
8. Take the time to complete a task correctly the first time. Having to redo your work over again can waste time.
   
9. Keep supplies for your chores or homework in one place. Having to reorganize yourself each day can waste much time. Keeping supplies in place will help you to accomplish the task quickly.
10. Don't procrastinate. Procrastination causes wasted time.
    

-Stephanie Kiehn-

1. 
   

A Perfection of Perfectionists

Perfectionists are very hard on themselves, often suffering from low self esteem. They often feel angry at themselves, experiencing shame or disgust or guilt for not living up to the unrealistic expectations they have of themselves. Unfortunately, perfectionists often expect everyone around them to be perfect too. It's no wonder that free-floating hostility permeates perfectionism.

The perfectionist fears success, because this leads others to expect future successes. Considering the low self esteem that characterizes perfectionists, this responsibility is a frightening one. That's why perfectionists are often procrastinators. They put off the start or end of a project, because they fear that the finished product won't meet their characteristically high standards. They wait until the last minute to start the job, and use the late start to excuse an inferior final result.

This was Ken's way. He was always late, finishing projects at the last minute and feeling frustrated. ``I know I could have done better than this, but I needed more time.'' he'd say. His perfectionism caused the procrastination that cost him valuable time. And if he did start a project early enough, he got stuck so long at doing one part of it ``just right'' that he always blew the schedule anyway.

Ken needed to adopt the attitude that helped psychologist Albert Ellis to be such a prolific author, in spite of a heavy professional schedule. Ellis explained that he simply refused to spend unreasonable time and effort in re-writing to make the product perfect. There is a balance, he said, between wanting to do the best job and using the time available most productively.

Try these remedies for perfectionism:

1. Stay in the moment to minimize worry about the next time and give yourself plenty of time for whatever you tackle.

2. Use cognitive reframing to establish more realistic expectations

3. Relax to quiet the anxiety that can energize your sense of time pressure, self punishing, guilt and embarrassment

4. Set goals that establish realistic criteria so you can base your success on a reasonable, planned level of performance

5. Practice systematic desensitization, in which you imagine situations where you allow yourself a less than perfect performance. Relax during the imagery and say to yourself, ``I can do a pretty good job (perfect or not) and I'll start now, rather than avoid doing a job at all, or procrastinating until a poor job is inevitable so I have to make an excuse that I didn't have enough time left to do it.'' Base your performance evaluation on the time available for the project and say to yourself,``This is the best I can do with the time, energy and resources open to me.''

-Rob Keal-

Learn to Asserting Yourself

Angry outbursts are often symptoms of the person with assertiveness problems. Steve was a really good guy, sometimes too good. He never said no. He just agreed to, and apologized about, everything until he was so frustrated, he either felt terribly depressed and miserable about himself, or blew up in a rage over some small incident. He desperately needed assertiveness skills. How about you?

If your negative self talk is particularly self punishing, you may need some assertiveness skills. The way you interact with others can cause you considerable stress and emotional upset. The non-assertive person either blows up and becomes aggressive or wilts and says nothing, and feels terrible guilt and/or anger at the same time. Assertiveness training can help you to say no or ask what you legitimately want, need or deserve, calmly, not angrily, and without guilt.

Psychology researchers Wolpe and Lazarus show that everyone is assertive sometimes. They concluded that the goal is to increase the variety of situations and the frequency of assertive actions, and to decrease instances of angry blow-ups and passive collapses.

You are assertive when you stand up for yourself and say what you want or need to say, without letting others take advantage of you, and without getting angry. Non-assertive people tend to minimize their own rights. Often they don't believe they have a right to their own feelings or preferences when contradicted.

I've seen many patients who are non-assertive because they have low self-esteem and many negative automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions. Improving any of these will strengthen the others. Use the behavioral techniques described above to build your assertiveness. Insist on your right to happiness. Make a decision to take your share every day.

The Anger Exposed

Some say it's good to express anger, but I don't think so. It evokes negative emotional response patterns that leave you feeling bad. Anger is like diarrhea or vomit. Usually it's not the food we've eaten, but some other bug that's already in us. The sooner we get the real culprit out of our system the sooner the problem goes away. Anger is a toxic emotion that makes us feel terrible. It's an indication that something is out of balance. It is better not to get yourself angry. Rather than holding back your anger, it's better to find alternate coping mechanisms so you don't need to energize the anger in the first place.

How do you do that? The Roman philosopher, Seneca, said "A physician doesn't get angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he become upset when tongue lashed by a man in fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician does his patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant." By being more patient and forgiving of other people's errors, frailties and mistakes, you can go a long way towards taking the wind out of your anger's sails. Anger is a response to the threat of loss. If you are mistrusting or paranoid, you'll get angry more often or more easily because you'll perceive more potential threats. Try to expect the best from the world and people.

If you feel confident and in control of your life, you'll be able to feel more secure, safer and less threatened. Self regulation can give you more control and the Happiness Response program also aims at helping you create an emotional gyroscopic stabilizer in you to balance you through hassles and times when you might be susceptible to feeling threatened.

Learn to dissolve and dispel welling anger by catching its early signs and using your head and your heart, instead of your aggression, to cope with the situation. Replace the anger reflex with forgiveness and the knowledge that you are in control. You don't want to get angry because it leaves you feeling weak and dispirited. The trick is to prevent yourself from developing angry feelings. That way you don't have to hold back the anger that grows inside of you. Albert Einstein said ``Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.'' Since it is we who unleash the wild animal part of our brain within us when we allow anger to flame, we do indeed act the fool.

There is growing evidence that holding back anger may be associated with cancer prone individuals. It's not the holding back of anger though. It's the lack of trust, irritability, tight holding on to negative feelings, free floating hostility and propensity to be easily upset or offended that's causing the held back anger.

In the Bible, Solomon says, "Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" Treat anger like a fire which can burn out of control or be harnessed and put to productive use, like motivating you to return a defective product or giving you the courage to face someone you need to complain to.

-Rob Keal-

How to Let Go of Your Past

What is letting go of your past?

1. Letting go of your past means accepting that there's nothing you can do to change the past. You did the best you could. When you're facing your failures, know that you were as good, loving, and effective as you could have been. If you were to go back, you couldn't do anything differently because that's who you were and that's what you knew then. It's done. Let go of your past.
   
2. Letting go of your past means forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Ruminating on what you could've or should've done is ineffective and unhealthy. If you're dealing with your mistakes or facing your failures, try to forgive yourself.
   
3. Letting go of your past means being aware of your thoughts. When you find yourself dwelling or obsessing over the past or the person you lost, gently draw your thoughts back to the present. Let go of your obsession, whether it's an addictive relationship or lost child.
   

It's not easy, but there are practical ways to let go of your past and move on. Before you delve into letting go and saying good-bye to your past, however, you may need to face your memories and experiences. If you're dealing with your mistakes, you'll certainly have to accept responsibility for your actions.

Six Steps to Letting Go of Your Past:

1. Write, talk, draw, paint, or otherwise tap into your thoughts and memories. Letting go of your past means honoring your memories.
   
2. Let go of the emotions and feelings of painful memories by letting them wash over you – you'll feel horrible during, but relieved and peaceful afterwards. Let go of your past by reliving it.
   
3. Go back and talk to the people involved, if possible. Letting go of your past can mean going back.
   
4. Share your real feelings; confess if it's appropriate. Letting go of your past means expressing your emotions. If you have to deal with your mistakes, then own up to your shame or guilt.
   
5. Apologize and ask forgiveness if you need to. Letting go of your past means being vulnerable. Get help with uncontrollable urges to overeat, get stoned or drunk, or otherwise hurt yourself. Letting go of your past means burying your pride.
   

Letting go of loved ones – whether it's a divorced spouse, dead child, estranged brother, or euthanized pet – is difficult to do. Letting go of your past requires effort and energy, but your own strength and courage will kick in. You'll not only survive, you'll be wiser, more peaceful, and more centered than before if you learn to let go of your past.

-Laura Kiehn-

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Is there any miracle in your life?

Recently, while paging through an old journal, I rediscovered a daydream I'd written down years ago. It described my fantasy backyard, a desert oasis with natural plants, a rock garden, areas paved with natural stone. A surge of amazement and gratitude overwhelmed me. The description matched the backyard I actually have right now. I'd connected with my heart's desire, and the desire was fulfilled. Miraculous!

Then I remembered something else. My backyard was once a stretch of grit sparsely inhabited by what I call Lady Mac-beth plants (the kind that stab people). I couldn't afford to have landscapers transform it, but I could afford to have them deposit 38,000 pounds of clean rocks and gravel near my back gate. Do you know how long it takes to shovel that much gravel into a wheelbarrow, trundle it to every corner of a fairly large lot, and rake it level? Almost as long as it takes to read a book on stonemasonry, install several hundred slabs of natural slate, and clean the mortar out from under your fingernails. (Hint: The fingernail cleaning alone takes about six months.)

In other words, while I absolutely believe in miracles, I think there's a good reason we say they must be "worked." A client once told me, "If God wants me to achieve big dreams, he'll make it easy and comfortable." I wondered which religion taught her that. Was she thinking about the Children of Israel, who endured 40 "easy and comfortable" years in the wilderness en route to the Promised Land? Or maybe the Buddha, who sought enlightenment through asceticism? Or perhaps Jesus—I mean, that whole thing with the cross was such a warm fuzzy, right?

Einstein supposedly said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." He also said, "If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut." If you're hoping for a miracle, stop gabbing and start working. When you're completely exhausted, stop and play. Then go back to work. Persist, and miracles will start happening, all the more wondrous because you worked them yourself.

So there you have it: my current grab bag of epiphanies. If I act on them, I know from experience they'll sink deeper into my consciousness, until they're intrinsic parts of my worldview. Then new epiphanies will occur to me, and I'll get to work internalizing them. Because that's the way everyone's destiny unfolds.

-Martha Beck-

Art Therapy at School?

1. What is art therapy?
Art Therapy is a human service profession that utilizes art media, images, creative art processes and patient/client responses to the created products as reflections of an individual's development, abilities, personality, interests, concerns and conflicts. Art Therapy practice is based on knowledge of human developmental and psychological theories which are implemented in the full spectrum of models of assessment and treatment including educational, psychodynamic, cognitive, transpersonal and other therapeutic means of reconciling emotional conflicts, fostering self-awareness, developing social skills, managing behavior, solving problems, reducing anxiety, aiding reality orientation and increasing self-esteem (AATA, 1999).

The American Art Therapy Association (AATA) represents over 4000 art therapists who are dedicated to serving the mental health and educational needs of children, adolescents, and families.

2. Who are school art therapists?

School Art Therapists are professionals who work with preschoolers, children, adolescents, and their teachers and families. They work with all school personnel to help make education for students a positive and rewarding experience.

3. Why is art therapy used in schools?
When a student is distracted by emotional issues, learning disabilities, speech or language disorders, behavioral disorders or illness, even a well-trained, experienced teacher may be unable to get beyond these barriers to a student’s learning. As one professional on a student services team, the school art therapist is not only trained to recognize these barriers, but to diagnose problems and provide individualized interventions and services to help the student focus on learning.

Art therapy provides a visual and verbal approach to accessing and addressing student needs. As a natural mode of communication for children, it is a means of externalizing the complexities of emotional pain. Children rarely resist the art-making process because it offers ways to express themselves that are less threatening than strictly verbal means.

4. What do school art therapists do?
Consult
 Collaborate with teachers, parents, and school personnel about learning, social and behavior problems
 Help others understand child development and its relationship to learning and behavior
 Strengthen working relationships between educators, parents, and the community

Educate
 provide educational programs on: classroom management strategies, parenting skills, working with students who have special needs, teaching and learning strategies using art as informal assessment in the classroom, and child development and its relationship to cognitive and emotional growth

Research
 evaluate the effectiveness of academic programs, behavior management procedures, and other services provided in the school setting
 conduct research to generate new knowledge to improve learning and behavior

Assess
 Working closely with parents and teachers, school art therapists use a wide variety of techniques to evaluate:
 cognitive and emotional development
 academic strengths and weaknesses
 school and classroom programs
 personality development

Intervene
 work directly with students and families to help solve conflicts and problems related to learning and adjustment
 provide counseling and social skills training, behavior management, and other interventions
 help families deal with difficult crises such as separation or loss

5. Where do school art therapists work?
 public or private schools
 clinics
 universities
 institutions
 private practice
 hospitals
 community agencies

6. How do art therapy, art education, school counseling and school psychology differ?
 Art therapy helps to identify and reconcile emotional conflicts by emphasizing visual art processes and verbalization as the primary modality for assessment and treatment.
 Art education teaches children how to produce, evaluate and look at art products.
 School counseling services rely on verbal communication to understand the innermost feelings of students.
 School psychology emphasizes evaluation and placement of youngsters for diagnostic and prescriptive purposes.

Many helping professionals in schools have shared responsibilities as members of a treatment team. The goal of a treatment team is to create meaningful identities and produce high-quality outcomes for the student population.

7. What students should receive art therapy services?
Art therapy is valuable for all students, but especially for those experiencing difficulty at school because of personal crises, disabilities, and behavior. Such students may be in regular education, special education, and alternative education programs.

8. How is art used in the art therapy process?
In the art therapy process, children are encouraged to visually represent their thoughts and feelings, such as conflicts, wishes, and memories. Utilizing their artwork and verbalizations, they are helped to understand how they function as individuals and as part of a family and group system. Art therapy treatment in schools is art expression that lends itself to exploration, and as a result, to the adjustment of individuals to life.

9. Do art therapists in schools need state teaching certificates?
Situations vary. Since art therapists do not teach courses, a state teaching certificate may not be needed. A state license in art therapy, if available, may suffice. If a state license is not available, the state may consider the credentials of ATR-BC, as meeting the criteria equivalent to teaching certification in a specialized area of education. These credentials are the terminal credentials for the practice of art therapy, as set forth by the American Art Therapy Association and the Art Therapy Credentials Board. However, in states that do not offer licensure in art therapy, or when the ATR- BC is not accepted, professionals may need to obtain teaching credentials to work in schools. This presents difficulty for art therapists because most states do not offer certification in the field of art therapy. In these cases, certification in any educational area may be considered by individual school districts. State art therapy chapter organizations may want to consider developing official guidelines for state departments of education and local school districts. Such guidelines would make it possible for art therapists to easily fit into an official job code and classification.

10. How are art therapy programs and services in schools funded?
Federal funds for special students such as the disabled and alternative education students can be designated for art therapy through funding sources of the local school district, as long as eligible candidates for treatment are identified and there is a qualified staff art therapist to provide art therapy. Funds for all students may also be obtained from monies allocated through local school budget sources such as tax dollars or business support of programs and services. Grants, too, provide excellent vehicles for funding art therapy.

11. What are the salaries for art therapists in schools?
Salaries for art therapists in schools are commensurate with other professionals in schools, including teachers and psychologists.

12. How does one become an art therapist in schools?
Art therapy requires specialized graduate preparation. A Masters degree is the entry level. One approach is a four year college degree with at least 15 semester credits in psychology (including developmental and abnormal psychology) and a Master's degree in the field of art therapy. Another approach is a Master's degree in psychology or an allied field plus/including 21 units of graduate art therapy studies. Bachelor degrees in art therapy are available but not necessary. Beyond the Master’s level, is a registration/credentialing process, ATR-BC. Contact the Art Therapy Credentials Board (ATCB) for guidelines.

13. Where is art therapy being used in schools?
Recognizing the strengths and advantages of art therapy, public and private schools across the nation have begun using services. The Miami-Dade County Public Schools, Miami, Florida, which has embarked on this educational frontier since Janet Bush founded and developed the program in 1979, believes the gains to be realized are considerable. Miami's program has comprised of twenty therapists who provide services to over 500 K-12 students. Miami's program is a model for several programs in Florida and the nation.

A database of art therapists working in schools is being developed to strengthen the advancement of art therapists working in schools.

14. What will it take to make art therapy a routine service in schools?
The current convergence of education and health care reform, along with the movement in the human service arena toward service integration models, provides a timely opportunity to redefine student services in schools. Art Therapists` unique knowledge and skills can assist in meeting today’s challenges to help children become more receptive to academic involvement and can help to maximize their social and emotional potential.

As a specialized discipline, it is possible for Art Therapy to stand at the nexus of these reform movements. However, it will be necessary to bridge several gaps which exist in the efforts to establish the notion that art therapy belongs in the schools: (a) improving the state certification/credentialing requirements for art therapists working in schools; (b) establishing consistent curriculum methods in graduate level art therapy preparation; (c) developing national guidelines for comprehensive school art therapy; (d) eliminating the biases of administrators, parents, and educators toward the use of therapeutic methods in educational settings; (e) strengthening the fiscal necessities that foster school student services; (f) helping art therapists to develop a clear role and purpose for art therapy in schools; (g) developing the employability skills of art therapists; (h) improving the availability of research on school art therapy outcomes; and (i) enhancing the marketing and promotion of school art therapy.

Making art therapy a routine part of school student services will require the above changes in attitude and behavior with the help of graduate school educators, art therapist practitioners, parents, teachers, school administrators, and other agents in a position to offer help. The end result should be movement toward school art therapy for all children who need it.

(J. Bush)

Tips for Parenting Children with ADD/ADHD

1. Use positive reinforcement to increase positive behaviors
   
2. Use immediate consequences to decrease negative behaviors
   
3. Keep directions simple. Use short sentences to give directions and give only one or two directions at a time.
   
4. Create proactive systems to help your child. Label drawers so your child knows what belongs where.
   
5. Be proactive in your approach. Look at situations beforehand and determine the appropriate behavior. Create rewards and consequences and let your child know ahead of time exactly what is expected.
   
6. Use frequent eye contact. Keep your child’s eyes on your face while giving directions or instructions.
   
7. Use token economies at home to help in following rules. Use charts, chips, stickers to follow behaviors and create immediate rewards.
   
8. Review your expectations and make sure they are appropriate for your child’s emotional level as well as their chronological age.
   

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How to Make Your Love Last

1. Don’t argue in the bedroom
   
2. Love notes
   
3. Date night
   
4. Date weekend
   
5. Love codes (i.e. on sms-short message)
   
6. Stay in touch
   
7. Send flowers
   
8. Tag team parenting
   
9. Understand, accept and celebrate differences in relationship
   

Some Common Issues/Problems on Persons with ADD/ADHD

One of the most common problems around persons with ADD is communication.
Other common issues are:

• they have no patience for boredom
  
• they are selfish
  
• they forget things quite often
  
• no eye contact
  
• they don’t listen
  
• they act irresponsible – sometimes it really annoying
  
• they are messy and disorganized
  
• they have no sense of time and are often late or miss things entirely
  

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What is ADD/ADHD?

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, 1994, (DSM IV) the diagnostic label is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). However, in popular conversation, the terms -ADD, ADHD, AD/HD- are used interchangeably. On this article, we'll use the term ADD.

What is it like to have ADD?
It's like being super-charged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then..., before you've finished up with the first one, you’ve got another idea, so you go for that one. Before you've finished with the second idea, now you've got another third idea, and you just have to follow that one. What happens then? People identify you as disorganized, impulsive, and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. You're just trying really hard. It's just that you have all another good ideas pulling you this way and that which makes it really hard to stay on task.

Sometimes, you're doing your task with a messed. People think you’re not paying attention or that you’re not interested when you keep drumming your fingers, humming a song, whistling, looking here and there, scratching, doodling, and tapping your feet…. But all you’re doing actually is spilling over so that you can pay attention.

Person with ADD seems to be here and there and everywhere. He/she feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in top.

Impulsivity on ADD frequently showed when they’re on line or queue. They almost incapable of waiting in lines. Usually they show their impulsivity on how they talk. So many people with ADD are lack of tact. Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one’s words before uttering them. They will have to learn hard to say inappropriate things in such a way or at such a time that they can in fact be helpful. It really is takes time. As an example, they call someone as fat lady without trying to insult the person. They merely mention words that describe an object visually.

When speak about ADD, usually the positive doesn’t get mentioned. It understandably because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. In fact, when persons with ADD have maintained their behavior, they will surprises everyone around them, and they surprise themselves. Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a ‘feel’ for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can’t explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the shortcut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.

As a closing, it is important to understand that ADD is a way of life, a hard one. So, if you know someone who’s acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him/her and it’s too late. Before the syndrome is diagnosed that way of living may be filled with pain and misunderstanding. After the diagnosis is made, one often finds new possibilities and the chance for real change.

It should be underlined, that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people’s, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted.

[infopsi-admin]